1 – When you are trying to keep them awake, they will sleep through any noise. The roar of a hoover, loud music in the car, their name being called at the top of your voice. When you want them to sleep, however, they will wake up to the sound of you slumping into the sofa after making yourself a cup of coffee.
2 – They don’t want to get in the bath. And 15 minutes later, they don’t want to get out of the bath.
3 – It doesn’t matter how small you chop them, they will always find vegetables in pasta sauce.
4 – They can expertly climb to the top of furniture, balancing on one foot and smiling as you run to catch them. But when back on firm land, they will trip over a raisin.
5 – No toy compares to the toy held by another child.
6 – Ask them to find their shoes, tidy up, or finish their dinner and you may as well be invisible. Disappear for a quick wee and they will find you in seconds.
7 – When at play dates, they will surprise you by trying new food. “Ooh I love carrots!” they will say, as you watch in absolute amazement. When you attempt to dish them out at home afterwards, however, they will give you a look of horror and gag at the sight of them.
8 – The day you pull out a new outfit from the wardrobe and think ‘yeah, I’m wearing that today’ and emerge from your bedroom feeling good is the same day that the baby will sneeze porridge over your outfit and the toddler will face plant your legs with a face full of peanut butter.
9 – The time you forget to put baby wipes or a change of clothes in your bag is the time they will fall in a puddle / dive into their red pasta sauce / have a nappy explosion or accident.
10 – If you plan a journey to coincide with a time they should really be sleeping, their eyes will stay wide open until you are pulling into the driveway of your destination. And then they will scream for the next few hours at the injustice of having to be awake.