The tree will be decorated beautifully. But within a few hours, the bottom half will be nearly naked as you move decorations higher up to stop grabby hands.
You are already having nightmares about walking into the lounge and finding the tree lying on the floor, straddled by a toddler.
If you had the brainwave to buy some chocolate decorations, you are definitely regretting that stroke of genius too.
And however hard you try to hide where the fairy lights are plugged into the wall, they will find it. And they will make it their mission to keep finding it.
You start the Christmas countdown on 1st December – but regret it on 2nd December when they are bouncing around with excitement at 5am and asking when Santa is coming.
And if you bought a chocolate advent calendar, it will be moved to a high shelf by 8am on December 1st – and you are already considering hiding it in a drawer and hoping they forget.
If they are in any kind of Christmas show at nursery, you will have something in your eye from the moment you spot them in their elf/star/sheep/shepherd outfit. It might be tears.
And you will struggle between the urge to shout “I’M OVER HERE” and the need to sink deeper into your seat in case you are spotted mid-performance.
And even though you always swore you would never become ‘one of those Mums’, you won’t be able to resist sharing pictures of their big moment on social media.
When it comes to their presents, you will spend hours researching, shopping and buying – so you will inevitably feel a little bit disappointed when 3 minutes after opening it, they are still playing with the wrapping paper.
Or the box. Especially if it’s a giant one.
And if they have a sibling, just give up now and buy them exactly the same. Seriously, EXACTLY the same.
For Christmas lunch, you will carefully add a piece of each component of the lunch on their plate for the full, toddler-friendly experience. They will eat two bits of turkey and one bite of potato – and then ask for some cheese.
They will like the crackers though and demand everyone’s gifts from around the table are passed round and added to their own stash.
The cake will be a highlight. You’ll watch them nibble off the icing, leaving a slab of cake on their plate, before declaring they are finished and need another slice.
And the hat? You will have approximately 1.3 seconds to get a photo of them in it before it is detected, ripped off and thrown on the floor in a fit of anger.
It’ll be fun though, honest.