24th March 2016

They will always be brothers

Screen Shot 2016-03-24 at 19.08.50I had so many worries when I was pregnant with my second baby.

Would we love this baby as much?

How would we possibly manage to divide our time?

Would our first child feel unhappy, anxious, or angry when his brother arrived in the world?

Of course, I didn’t need to worry.

We did. We managed. And he was fine.

But fast-forward three years and here I am again, with a baby growing in my tummy and a whole new set of worries.

But this time, it’s not about whether I will love the new baby as much – as after all, I know now that my heart has infinite capacity to love our babies.

And I know that we will manage to divide our time threefold – as you just do.

I’m not worried about about whether the boys will cope, as I know children are both adaptable and resilient – and I know that a new baby becomes part of the family so quickly that you soon can’t image life without them.

I’m not worried about any of that.

This time, I’m worried about the dynamic of their relationship changing. That amazing relationship they have developed over the last 2 years. The closeness that, at times, results in full-on scraps on the floor – but most of the time, offers companionship and fun.

I don’t want that to change.

I don’t want them to stop walking hand in hand when we venture out the house.  I don’t want to stop hearing them singing nursery rhymes (badly) together and chatting in broken sentences when they are supposed to be falling asleep at night. I don’t want to stop seeing their eyes desperately seek each other in a crowded play area and run full pelt in their direction so they can climb, slide, and bounce together.

Where will a sibling fit in?

Who’s hand will he or she want to hold? Will he or she be better suited in personality to one of the boys than the other? And will the other one be left out? Will our house suddenly be filled be the sound of arguments, jealously, and heartbreak?

The rational part of me realises that a sibling coming along won’t change as much as I fear. They will always have each other. And even if they are fighting over who gets to push Thomas the Tank Engine around the track, they will still always have each other and (mostly) be thankful for that.

It’s hard to visualise the way life will change when you are still growing a baby – and even harder to predict the way the pitter patter of tiny feet will change family dynamics.

I think it’s natural to worry and to feel protective about the way that life is.

But I do know that whoever this little person is and whatever difference they make to our family unit, we won’t regret them coming into the world for a second. Not for one single second. And that is what I’m going to hold onto as my bump grows and the newborn days get ever more real.

After all, they will always be brothers.