“Took both boys out on my own for the first time. We survived.”
And we had survived. Despite the nerves before I left the house. Despite being convinced that my newborn would demand a feed at the very moment my toddler threw himself head first from a climbing frame. Despite totally underestimating the temperature and overdressing the baby in a thick velour suit.
Despite it all, we had survived.
Seeing that memory today brought it all back. The nerves gurgling in the pit of my stomach as we prepared to leave the house, mixed with internal pep talks and short bursts of confidence. Returning to the kitchen three times for forgotten items before we made it out the door. Panic as the baby started wailing in the car, whilst the toddler demanded a dummy that had flown across the back seat. Relief as I parked, worked out which child to get out first, and sprinted towards my friend in the distance with the double buggy.
We did it.
And after that, it only got easier to take them out on my own. Little by little, I became more confident about being a mummy of two.
Now, of course, it’s so normal that it feels strange when I only have one of them. A missing piece of the puzzle. A hand that feels strangely empty. A missing part of me.
And thinking about all that today – about how this huge, monumental step in my life has become so normal that it’s second nature – I realised how quickly every obstacle in motherhood has passed.
The newborn days. So precious, but so exhausting. Over in a flash.
Teething. Those angry red cheeks, those broken nights, and that rising panic when the Calpol stocks ran low. Soon they have their teeth and you almost forget the pained whimpers in the night.
Settling into nursery or school. At one point, the single most stressful thing in the world. A battle of emotions. But weeks later, just a memory.
Fear of monsters lurking in the night. Broken nights; as brutal as the newborn days. But weeks later, the monsters go into hiding and normality ensues.
Sometimes these things last days.
But they pass.
And one day, when my boys are grown up, they will have blurred into one – memories fused together of the early days of motherhood. A struggle at times, but wonderful nevertheless.
So I will try to remember this when the next obstacle moves into our path.
These things shall pass.
And just like the pictures of that first trip out with my boys two years ago, I have a feeling I will look back and smile.
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