Tag Archives: Test tube babies

17th March 2015

Dear Dolce; you’ve got it so wrong

IVF Babies

Dear Dolce,

I am betting that you said that thing about IVF babies being ‘chemical’ and ‘synthetic’ to get noticed.

But even though I know (or hope) it’s just a publicity stunt, it annoyed me. So I thought I’d write you a letter to tell you why you’ve got it so wrong.

For those that haven’t yet read it, your silly, unintelligent comment was this: “You are born and you have a father and a mother. Or at least it should be like this, that’s why I am not convinced by chemical children, synthetic babies, wombs for rent.”

You directed your venom specifically at gay couples and they are rightly outraged – but the truth is, you have upset so many more.

My boys aren’t IVF babies, but they could have been so easily. There are currently estimated to be 5 million IVF babies worldwide (not all still babies now, of course, but you catch my drift).

And do you want to know how they differ to non-IVF babies? The first 3-5 days after conception, when a medical miracle means they begin their life journey in a different place.

Nothing else differs. Nothing. These babies are made of exactly the same stuff. And there is nothing  ‘synthetic’ or ‘chemical’ about a sperm meeting an egg.

After those 3, 4 or 5 days, these miracle babies are reunited with their mothers and they grow in her womb. And the irony is that the only bit they’ve missed out on is the bit where the non-IVF mother has absolutely no idea – NO IDEA – that she has a baby growing inside her yet.  So really, they have missed nothing at all.

And once that positive pregnancy test shows two lines, those babies grow in exactly the same way. They kick, they wriggle, they turn, they jump on her bladder, they cause fiery heartburn, they stretch her skin so that she remarks to her friends ‘I honestly don’t think this bump can grow any bigger!”  – and nine months later, they are ready to enter the world.

In the meantime, their excited parents allow themselves to share scan pictures with friends and family, shop for tiny little sleep-suits in the softest velour, and paint nurseries in shades of powder pink and soft blue. Just like every other parent waiting for their baby to make their entrance.

And when they are born, they scream with shock and anger to have left that warm, quiet sanctuary inside their mother’s womb. And during that moment (the same moment humans have been experiencing for thousands of years), they are placed on their mother’s chest and look up to meet her eyes for the very first time. And there is nothing more natural than that.

And if you think that a father’s love is any less powerful, any less intrinsic, I am sure you are wrong. I can’t vouch for it personally, but I have seen that love; I have watched it happen. And I am absolutely sure that a baby with two fathers is just as blessed from the very beginning.

And you think that absolutely natural, instant, and fierce love is chemical? Really?

You are not a parent, Dolce – but if are ever blessed, I know you would look down at those wrinkled hands, perfect pursed lips, and curls of damp hair and realise you screwed up big time.

Because every baby is the definition of perfection.