30th September 2014

How To Get Ready For A Big Night Out In 50 Easy Steps (with two kids in tow…)


1. Have a shower at 6.30am before husband leaves for work

2. Wash hair and shave legs with 2-year old hanging around the curtain

3. Get out shower after 3 minutes as toddler is demanding cheerios

4. Get cheerios

5. Change two nappies

6. Get two children dressed

7. Look down at legs and realise you have missed patch, go to bathroom to get razor for quick patch-up job

8. Cut leg, grab toilet paper to stop bleeding, give up and let blood trickle down leg

9. Put TV on to entertain toddler and place baby into inflatable ring to play

10. Head into bedroom to get dressed and blow-dry hair

11. Turn on hairdryer

12. Turn off hairdryer, convinced you can hear toddler hitting baby over head with saucepan from his play kitchen

13. Give up and decide to let hair dry naturally

14. Feed baby porridge

15. Baby sneezes porridge over freshly washed hair after second mouthful.

16. Take children out to messy play class

17. Wash neon pink paint off toddler and put him in new set of clothes

18. Look down and discover neon pink paint in hair

19. Grab hairband from around wrist, put hair up and forget about it

20. Take children home, give them lunch, and put them down for naps

21. Hunt for dress for black tie event in wardrobe and discover it full of creases

22. While children sleep, iron dress, choose accessories, and re-paint smudged fingernail

23. Make toddler’s packed lunch for nursery the next day, as you know you wont be capable in the morning

24. Dash to give baby dummy, re-smudging finger nail in process

25. Re-paint smudged fingernail

26. Consider fake tan before realising children are bound to wake half way through and you will be half white / half tanned.

27. Discount idea of fake tan

28. Look for tan coloured tights in chest of drawers, managing to knock picture off top and wake up baby

29. Baby’s cries wake up toddler

30. Play and entertain children all afternoon

31. Cook dinner for children and feed them

32. Bath children

33. Get children into pyjamas

34. Welcome babysitter with open arms with 20 minutes until you need to leave

35. Do makeup in 5 minutes

36. Do hair in 2 minutes

37. Throw on dress

38. Put feet into shoes

39. Spend next 10 minutes explaining emergency drill to babysitter and showing her how to make milk for baby if he wakes

40. Spend another few minutes writing down several different numbers in case of emergency

41. Apply lipstick

42. Run toddler to potty as he suddenly needs a wee

43. Pray he manages to get it in the potty

44. Dispose of wee and get new pull-up nappy

45. Kiss children goodbye

46. Consider kissing babysitter

47. Kiss children again

48. Grab bag

49. Take deep breathe

50. Walk out door

Some nights are really worth it though...

Some nights are really worth it though…