Every day, I log in. You congratulate me for doing so. I crave doughnuts. You tell me they are too high in fat. I count my steps. You tell me I should be doing more. All these things happen like clockwork, every single day.
But listen Fitness-Tracking-App-Thingy, I am a mum-of-three – and sometimes I feel like I don’t fit into your world. In fact, I think you might be due a bit of an update to become more suitable for mums like me. And here’s are a few questions you might like to use as inspiration…
1 – How many calories do I burn when I chase three children around the house trying to get them dressed in the morning?
2 – Is it true that calories consumed while finishing off my kid’s tea don’t count?
3 – Is my step-count still accurate if my toddler steals my phone and legs it around the house for half an hour?
4 – Could you please add ‘wrestling a 16-month-old on the floor, attempting to change her nappy, while she’d much rather be stealing her brother’s toys or hiding the remote control under the sofa’ to your list of exercise activities?
5 – Does lugging three bags of laundry upstairs count as ‘weight lifting’? How about throwing the cushions back on the sofa 2,851 times a day? Or collapsing the buggy and heaving it into the boot, trapping my finger in the process? Really?
6 – You know the ‘sleep tracker’ function? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Is there any way that I can delete it?
7 – Does it count as a workout if I wear activewear on the school run? What if I have 7 different bags, two coats, two bits of toilet-roll artwork, and a trainer from ‘Lost Property’ in my hands while I’m doing it?
7 – Is there any chance that you got the calorie count for doughnuts wrong? Any chance at all?
8 – Do I still have to log the glass of wine in the evening if my children drove me to it? It seems a bit unfair.