1. Farts and burps will always be hilarious. I am totally outnumbered in my house with three males around me, so need to accept that when someone in the family releases bodily gases, most of my family members will start rolling around on the floor laughing (or even worse, copy like a echo). Even the dog (a female) seems to be in the farty camp, so I really can’t win.
2. I will spend a lot of time diffusing scraps. According to scientists, the fact that boys are more physical and more prone to scrapping from an early age is down to prenatal testosterone. So when one of my boys snatches a toy from the other boy’s hands and they start rolling around on the floor attached to each other, I am simply getting a taster of what is to come. I simply can’t wait.
3. People will always wonder whether I wanted a girl. This one makes me sad, but I don’t think it can be avoided. Fill your house with happy, healthy boys and people will wonder ‘did she want a girl?” Decide to have another baby and they will think ‘I bet she’s hoping it’s a girl this time!” I need to accept this, knowing in my heart that I always wanted boys and high-fived the sonographer when he confirmed the sex of my children.
4. I will spend all my time watching sport. Of course, not all boys enjoy sport – but the more you add to your family, the higher the chance of spending hours every week stood on the sidelines in every weather imaginable / sat in front of the TV watching various matches at the weekend / driving them around to various sporting events. Life will be a lot more enjoyable if I just accept this is the law of boys and start supporting the same teams as they do.
5. One day, they won’t be my ‘little boys’ anymore. At 5”3, they are going to shoot past me at some point soon – and when it happens, I will have to get used to looking up at them, rather than down at them.
6. My washing machine will never stop turning. With a one-year-old and nearly three-year-old I already have a taste of this. Everything is grubby, dirty, and dusty at the end of the day. And as they get older and take up various sports (no doubt involving mud, if we are back in the UK), this is only going to get worse. I gave up buying white T-shirts a long time ago. And I can only imagine the frustration of little boys in white school shirts – whoever came up with that uniform rule was having some kind of sick joke with mothers of boys.
7. You will live amongst a species obsessed with willies. From the moment they first discover it in the bath as a baby, right through to adulthood, every mother of the male species knows the part they play. Having a sense of humour helps.
8. There will probably come a day that they spend more time with another woman. I don’t want to think about this one too much, as it just feels strange. Give me 20 years and maybe I will have got my head around it. AT LEAST 20 – you hear that boys? I’m not ready to hand you over just yet.