27th September 2015

A comprehensive list of things I like to eat and drink, by Wilfred aged 20 months

Screen Shot 2015-09-27 at 15.42.26Apples. I like to hold them, take 2-3 bites, and then throw them onto the living room floor. Then they make my tongue fluffy, which is quite frankly disgusting.

Play-doh. Especially blue.

Grapes. Which I call ‘apples’. And if you make the mistake of calling them grapes, I won’t eat them because the taste changes.

Microwave popcorn. But only if it’s totally white. If it has any black on it, I am naturally horrified and can’t eat it.

Old snacks. Especially miscellaneous old snacks I discover between the sofa cushions.

Peas. But only when I am at other people’s houses. At home, they taste completely different, so I prefer to play a game that involves dropping them on the floor one by one and watching how far they roll.

Jam sandwiches. Cut into squares with the crusts off. The crusts MUST be off. I like to open them up, lick the jam and butter, and then leave the rest.

Jelly Sweets. That our Grandparents buy and feed us in secret.

Mummy’s chocolate biscuit. The one she was hiding behind her coffee mug.

Baked Beans. But ONLY if I feed myself. If anyone tries to help me to prevent me spilling them down my front, they are no longer something I want to eat.

Bath Water. Mummy says it’s disgusting. I totally disagree.

My brother’s snack. Even when we have exactly the same thing, his always tastes nicer

My brother’s drink. Ditto. Especially when he’s been given juice and they were hoping I wouldn’t notice.

Smoked Salmon. Sometimes. Just when I feel like it. You just have to guess.

The sole of Mummy’s flip-flops. Quite frankly irresistible.

Raisins. I like them in the little boxes. I can only manage to feed myself the first half of the box and then I get angry because the rest get stuck. But I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP.

Mummy and Daddy’s Dinner. When we go out for a meal, I mostly like to eat what my Mummy and Daddy ordered for themselves. It always tastes better and I’m pretty sure they don’t mind.

Poster paint. Just. Can’t. Resist. Licking. The. Brush.

The brand of snack that has run out in the supermarket. Nothing else will do. Nothing.

Apple juice in a carton. I must hold it myself, which involves squeezing it all over my top, all over the table, and all over whoever happens to be nearby. If you try to help, I will wrestle you for it and there won’t be much left in the carton.

Pancakes. And blueberries. But NOT pancakes and blueberries together.

Toothpaste. It’s definitely tastier if you brush your tongue.