1. People that use Parent Parking Spaces when they don’t have kids. If they have the pleasure of walking around that shop without a baby crying or toddler pulling tins off a shelf, they certainly don’t need the privilege or extra wide spots and a shorter walk to the store. Ditto to people who use them with teenagers. Just no.
2. Unwarranted advice. The old lady that tells you the baby is hungry when he has just finished a mammoth 6-hour breastfeeding session. The ex-midwife that stops to tell you the muslin draped over the pram is restricting the airflow to your sleeping child. The childless person that tells you their niece/nephew/long lost best friend was sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old or potty trained in just a day. Shut it.
3. People who take the lift when they don’t have a pram or disability. Lazy. Just lazy.
4. Anything that wakes up a sleeping child. The person that bumps into your pram pushing past. The dog that barks next door. The postman ringing the doorbell just as the baby’s eyes start to shut. You can only pray for a healthy dose of karma.
5. When you go to the fridge to make a much-needed cup of coffee and the husband has used up all the milk. Practically worth a divorce.
6. When you prepare a delicious and nutritious meal for your child and they don’t even take a bite. And even worse when the plate is thrown across the room and you are forced to wipe aforementioned meal from cupboards, toasters, kettles and dishwasher. And even worse that that when they take pleasure in your rage.
7. When children refuse to nap / when children are still awake hours after their bedtime / when children wake up hours before their usual wake up time. Basically anything to do with children and sleep. Worthy of a silent scream and fist pump into a pillow.
8. When you call the doctors and are given an appointment three weeks away. And when the person on the other end of the phone has no interest whatsoever in the fact that the suspicious itchy rash / cough that wakes them / seven-nappy-changes-an-hour may result in your own demise. The disinterest in their voice is what really tips you over the edge.
9. People who complain loudly about your child’s presence / behaviour / noise levels. However much it is annoying them, you can guarantee it is annoying you ten fold.
10. When a childless friend asks if you want to go out that evening. Of course you want to go out that evening. You would pay good money to go out that evening. But instead you will be donning your pyjamas at 7pm and taking up residence on the sofa with a dodgy quiz show and vat of wine.